


Mein Sonnenschein

by WhatIfImCheeseAndYoureNot



Category: Hetalia - Fandom
Genre: Antonio Fernández Carriedo - Freeform, Feliciano Vargas - Freeform, Gay ships, Lovino Vargas - Freeform, Ludwig Beilschmidt - Freeform, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Nazis, WW2, World War II, abusive tendancies, gilbert beilschmidt - Freeform, i had trouble with spains name, idk man, maybe america later?, naive italy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2019-01-25
Packaged: 2019-04-22 20:56:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14317008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhatIfImCheeseAndYoureNot/pseuds/WhatIfImCheeseAndYoureNot
Summary: During World War 2, when Germany had occupied North Italy, a Nazi sent to help watch in Genoa had discovered a young Italian boy, only 22, who lived a bubbly life and had hope for the best of his country and brother. They befriend one another and eventually both start to see just how horrible this war really is.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters in this story, all rights to the anime as well as characters go to Himaruya 
> 
> This story takes place in Genoa Italy during World War 2 (1943 to be exact) when America and Germany had both occupied Italy after Mussolini was cast away. I heavily researched everything I wrote to make sure it was as historically accurate as I could possibly make it, and I apologize if anything is incorrect. It contains the Human!Hetalia characters.
> 
> WARNING: this story contains adult themes, drug use, Nazis/Nazism, strong language, time-periodic racism, and homosexuality as well as homophobia, read with this in mind

_Tell him you don't want to go out, that it's scary with all of the Germans_ Feliciano had thought to himself, moments before being ushered out of the front door of him and his brother's house. He didn't say it though, and he figured he'd regret it, just didn't know how badly he would.

 

The year was 1943 and he lived in Genoa, which was currently being occupied by somehow both Germans and Americans, he had no clue how it worked or how they hadn't been completely blown up yet. Since the Nazis or German he should say, had invaded his town, he noticed he was being told not to go down narrow, dark alleys, or that's what his brother had told him at least. He didn't mind having to avoid alleys though, they always smelled bad, but he had later found out they were off-limits to the American soldiers, for reasons he never found out. He had also noticed a lot more- women of the night if you caught on with that, and an increasing amount of drugs and people to quite literally push him around.

 

He didn't like all of this by any means, but he wasn't a Jew, fag, communist or disabled person, so he supposed he had it better off than most, and he shouldn't necessarily complain. So, he walked to the town every day in search of food and other materials. Most days, however, he would just sit in the church. Cathedral di San Lorenzo was a church his brother and him had started to go to at the beginning of the war, they were always Catholic, just never as devout as they were now that they had to ensure their faith to a religion, or be sent to a camp.

 

At first, Germany and Italy had broadcasted the camps as vacations, at first anyway, not anymore though, they wanted to make sure that every single Jew knew what they were practicing was wrong, the same with fags and many others. For now, the Italian knew they needed food very soon, or they would go hungry, so he was walking to a market for food.

 

He stepped down from the first step, quickly moving down the rest, and headed for the market, walking down the dirt and stone streets, eyeing sandbags as he passed them, keeping his head low when he walked passed any troops from the feared 92nd division. He walked as quickly as possible, waiting to get to the market so he could go back home as fast as he could, eager to take a much-needed nap. He walked past immigrants, drug dealers, and many, many prostitutes. He could hear a quiet rumble of Italian speakers in large clusters, and sped up- he knew he was getting close to the market.

 

He entered the market area consciously, immediately looking for some eggs, milk, and bread to get him and his brother by for at least a few days. He paid in exact amounts, trying his hardest to conserve money as best as possible, and flirted with a few women. He had seen a few other soldiers but tried to avoid them to the best of his ability, succeeding so far, and silently left the market, ascending on his walk home to bring the food, then go to the church and maybe take a nap on a bench.

 

He wasn't paying attention to where he was walking though, being the care-free Italian that he was, and walked right into someone, falling on his butt, holding his bag of food close to his chest to protect the eggs and milk from breaking and spilling. His heart was racing, and he had hoped that he hadn't run into a soldier from the 92nd, hope had not prevailed, and thus his entire life came to a sudden halt, soon to plummet.

 

"Watch where you are going, you dumbass! you ran right into me, and you don't even apologize for making me stop," a heavily accented, deep voice yelled from above him, anger extremely evident.

 

Feliciano opened his eyes, quickly rushing to his feet, bag in hand as he tried to explain himself. "Ah! right, sorry sir, I was caught up in my own thoughts. I was thinking about this really pretty girl I had seen at the market! she had a nice flowy dress on and her hair curled in these perfect little rows, she was so pretty!"

 

He has, quite literally, ran into a 92nd soldier, and now he was rambling about a girl instead of giving him the apology he had wanted from the Italian, and now the German was getting impatient and annoyed with the boy.

 

"Stop! Have you never seen a girl before? Everybody knows you think about them at night, not during the day when you're walking in the middle of a town in the middle of the day! How fucking old are you anyway? You're immature enough to go on a rant to someone superior to you when you should be apologizing? I don't want a rant about some girl you saw I want a verdammt apology!" Great, now the German was really yelling at him, and Feliciano could see a vein popping in the other man's forehead.

 

"Ah uh... Right sorry, sir! oh, and I'm 22 by the way, thanks for asking! I bet you're about my age too." Came from the Italian, clearly not noticing how utterly peeved the soldier was.

 

The soldier sighed, "I do not actually care how old you are, just stop staring into space and do something else," he pinched the bridge of his nose, but was intrigued with the Italian. He let out a sigh "listen, what is your name?"

 

"Me? Oh, I'm Feliciano Vargas!" He smiled brightly, eyes lit up with the sudden calm demeanor of the soldier.

 

" Well Feliciano, " he began, " I am Ludwig Beilscmidt, of the 92nd, and I do hope I see you again, it was a very... Strange experience. I must be going, don't forget to look up next time you're walking down the street."

 

With that, the soldier he now knew as Ludwig walked away, and Feliciano smiled, giddy that he hadn't been backhanded like last time, and he walked home. _Today wasn't so bad so far_ , he had thought to himself.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been a week since the Italians last run in with the soldier, and he was still thinking of it, always blushing- he figured the embarrassment of his idiocy was why. He needed to go out again today, but this time it wasn't for food, it was just his wanting to go to church. It was Cathedral Di San Lorenzo, after it was bombed in 1941 they had left it open still, and repaired it the best that they could at the time, but Feliciano never stopped going to the home of the Holy Grail.

He walked carefully down the streets, keeping his eyes turned away from the half-naked women and extremely malnourished immigrants that littered the sides of the streets. He had noticed he had also been more careful with how he was walking, he walked a little slower, took in more surroundings and anytime he saw a blonde, tall man he tried to get a look if it was his soldier. Except Ludwig wasn't his, he knew that, but he felt they had bonded and he wanted to see him again, so he was always careful to notice him. He didn't know the exact reason for it, but he knew that there was one somewhere in his mind.

It was now January in Italy, one and a half weeks in, and he was cold, though he lived in a very sunny country, it was still cold to him during the winter. His arms were growing cold, as he began to regret not bringing a jacket with him to the church but he didn't complain much mentally about it, he just wished he had brought a jacket. His curl bounced lightly with every step he took, and he lightly waved his arms as he walked, he was just excited to go to the church again. 

Him and Lovino, his brother, hadn't gone to it in a few months, it was in quite a bit of rubble after the British had bombed it, and he had thought of it a miracle that the bomb never actually went off. He felt unnerved, however, when he had walked past a group of Italians, one with a small scar on his jaw, who spoke in hushed whispers. He had heard about the anti-fascists in Genoa, he never thought he'd see them, but he could assume that's who they were. It wasn't the actual people there who unnerved him, it was the outline of a gun in the tan one's shirt that made him nervous.

He slowed down before he got to them, looking around to see if anyone was staring at him or them for that matter, he knew what they were doing was good he was just nervous about how they did it. Then, just across the street near an alley, he could see a German soldier, eyeing them down as inconspicuous as possible, if he hadn't been specifically looking he wouldn't have noticed. He sped up, approaching the group as friendly as possible, tapping the closest one's wrist and when they looked, he nudged his head to the soldier. He nodded, and smiled, the entire group split and Feliciano waved, smiling at them.

Feliciano wasn't involved with them, he would never be and didn't necessarily want to be, and neither was his brother, but they m, made sure that they always warned the anti-fascists whenever there were soldiers nearby, or if they overheard anything from the Germans. It was kind of a messenger system, because sometimes they would get a basket of bread and they always knew where it came from, Lovi always told him it was just being smart, and that as long as he never made serious contact or discussed anything with them they couldn't get into any real trouble with the Nazi's.

He lived a bit away from the coast of Linguaria, where most of the antifascists met and lived, so it was always kinda weird seeing them this close to the middle, but he figured they were beginning to spread out even further. He had seen the soldier stare at him as he walked away, and tried to keep his head down a bit, but left his hands out of his pockets, allowing them to swing a little as he walked to the cathedral, he knew how to avoid suspicion and the stares of people, a little bit anyway.

Streets became more and more crowded and he had realized that more people were around the church than normal, he found that weird, but pleasant. He liked seeing people around the cathedral, it reminded him of before the war when Italy still had a lot of money and people were genuinely happy to be about and outside. He never had to see a skinny child or possibly dead bodies on the side of the street, never had to see women who obviously didn't want to be sex workers have to work as them just to get money for their children, the father of probably dead. it was heartbreaking, seeing the people of the country he lived in suffer, knowing there wasn't much he could do about it, if anything, without risking being tortured or killed for answers. 

So when he saw all of these people, he smiled, because he thought, keyword thought, that they were all around the area to go to the church. Then, he heard it. The scream of a child sounded through the air, and he could hear the sound of something beating on flesh. His smile dropped, and he rushed and pushed through the crowd, jumping and pushing on people's shoulders to see what was happening to the child. Eventually, he was able to get close enough to the front to see what was happening, a soldier was beating a child. His stomach dropped, and his eyes faded out, tearing slightly at the sight in front of him. Other soldiers stood idly by, not a care in the world to combat what was happening, and it was at that moment Feliciano had truly discovered disgust in the soldiers and the entire nation that had stolen them.

Ludwig, however, was approaching the crowd, the higher ranking German had the crowd parting like the red sea once they saw him. He growled at the other soldiers, yelling at them in German.

"What are you idiots doing!? You don't beat some KID in the middle of the day, in broad fucking daylight in front of a goddamn church!" He was absolutely furious at this point, he knew protocol said they could technically do whatever they wanted within reason the town but this wasn't acceptable to him.

The man dropped the club, looking at the blonde wearily, "He um, he took something from a lady! I swear he did!" His reply came in German as well, clearly trying not to get the blond even more pissed.

"I. Don't. Care." he growled, stalking over to the other soldier, a deathly glare casting his face in shadows, "I said, don't. So pick the boy up, apologize to him and what looks like his family over there, " he pointed to a sobbing set of what looked like parents with a baby, " and tell them you will be speaking with me immediately." 

The other nodded, picking the boy up and muttering an apology, walking over to the family, going on a long ramble of "sorries''. That's when Ludwig spotted Feliciano, and the memories of his constant thinking of him rushed through his mind. The Italian looked distant, scared and confused, and the German almost felt genuinely bad, almost. So, as gently and calm as he could after just about biting somebodies head off, he walked over to the brunet, biting his cheek as he approached the shorter male. 

He tapped his shoulder, immediately putting his hands behind his back, "Feliciano was it? Are you okay?" His accent peaked through a little thicker than normal as he spoke to him.

"Ve~ I can't believe that just happened, I just, I can't," He looked at the German, eyes shakey, unable to make perfect contact.

"Me either, it was out of line, I do not believe he will go unpunished, however, I will see to that," he glared at the man across the opening.

"At least you stopped him... he could have died. "

"Ja, I know. That's the main reason I had him stop. I wasn't going to have the entire city of Genoa watch one of my fellow soldiers kill a child with a club."

"It's just a bambino, no older than five, maybe six, how could he even do that?"

"I haven't the slightest clue. Why were you over here anyway?"

"Ah," Feliciano sighed, speaking softly, with a sense of fondness. "I was going to the cathedral. I haven't been in so long, and I am okay with the ruble still being cleaned. It's just been so long since I have been able to come, to speak with the Lord in an intimate way... I fear in Genoa, we are slipping from grace..."

Ludwig eyed him, such a fondness for the Lord, it was something missing in these times, and Ludwig knew it, he was glad someone was concerned. It had been so long since he had seen such innocence, pure and untainted, a heart of compassion, in someone and he was glad he could see it in him.

"I'm beginning to as well. I've been thinking that maybe my own people may be taking this too far. It's- It's not a good thing to be okay with beating a child." He rubbed the back of his neck, looking at the family comforting their child as they walked off.

"I believe we need something to grip onto, religion is fading here. I have seen it... Ve~ brother and I haven't gone to church in so long, and I assume you have seen the people littering the streets as well?" He turned to face the German.

Ludwig nodded.

"I do wish the British had not nearly blown up our cathedral, I believe it is the main reason we have slipped..." The Italian went silent, eyebrows peaking in the middle, casting a sad gaze to the building of worship.

"Ja, I do not believe that was at all necessary either. My apologies though, I need to go and see to it that this Mistkerl is given a set punishment. Ciao, mein sonnenschein," Ludwig said, turning and walking away, knowing his subordinate would follow.

Feliciano had absolutely no clue what his last two words meant, but his stomach grew very bubbly, it must have meant the German hadn't hated him as he had feared. For now, he was just afraid of what would happen if he angered the German, so he would try his best to avoid it in the future. 

Feliciano decided it would be best if he went home, his view of the church wouldn't be the best for a while anyway. So, he began his walk home, thoughts of the soldier weaving through his mind, holding it in a vice grip he couldn't seem to wriggle free from for some reason. He passed by the same people, none from the resistance this time, on his way home, and upon seeing his brother and his house he ran, eager to tell his Fratello about his helping the resistance. Lovino always gave him praise for it, telling him that he was doing good for his own country and the rest of the world, so that nobody else would have to put up with the 'Bastardo potatoes,' as he put it.

Feliciano always admired his brother, he was a lot tougher than him, he knew a Spaniard who was high in the resistance and he would sometimes lend a bit of overheard information, but they always made sure to stay out of it. He happily swung open the door, ready to see his brother, closing it behind him as he walked into the kitchen, greeted by the Spaniard, Antonio, and his brother, Lovino. 

"Did you guys see what happened in front of the Cathedral today?" He asked, cocking his head to the side.

"No, what happened Feli?" Antonio inquired.

Thus, Feliciano began, leaving out the talking to Ludwig unconsciously, maybe he knew it was wrong to have contact with him... Maybe...


	3. Chapter 3

When Feliciano had seen Ludwig again, it was a much more pleasant experience compared to the last two times, and Feliciano was okay with that. No, he wasn't okay with it, he was giddy, but he had realized something that made his stomach sick, but a nice kind of sick, if that made any sense at all. It didn't quite make any sense to him either, but he had known it was utter betrayal and confusion that led him to this.

Feliciano was taking his normal every-other-day trip to the markets when he had seen the German, looking over the rest of the people in the center. Feliciano let out a giggle, feeling very bubbly just seeing the soldier, he had realized that the German hadn't seen him yet. So he crept around stalls, hid behind posts, and was finally behind the German as he tried to suppress a laugh. He stood behind the brooding German in the same position, slightly to the side, as he leaned on a bench while the blond leaned on a pole. This got a few stares, but the German hadn't seemed to notice, and Feli was too caught up in his little sneaking act to care.

He knew he was taking a risk when he got closer, he could hear Ludwig's steady breathing he had gotten so close, and Feliciano's eyes threatened to flutter closed at the close proximity. He knew he shouldn't have plucked a flower to put on Ludwigs head, but he didn't seem to notice that either, so Feli was okay with the risk of being yelled at in a public junction. Feli could just imagine the large, muscly German laying in a garden, a little purple flower on his face as he peacefully slept, and it brought these little butterflies Feli knew he shouldn't have into his stomach, and even his imagination twisted it into something good. The butterflies flew around the German, one landing on his nose as he finally woke. 

He stumbled back as he was snapped back to reality when he had noticed he was leaning forward, almost brushing against the soldiers uniform. Blinking thrice, the Italian began to walk away as silently as possible, entering the market from behind a stall, apologizing as he weaved through people. Lovino had told him not to get bread or milk today, but flour eggs and hazel instead. But Feliciano knew hazel was expensive so he tried to flirt with the lady at the stall to get a better price, and he had succeeded. Lovino knew his brother was better with people, he also knew he was good with women, so he figured he'd give him a little more money and they'd be fine. 

When he had walked away with a kind "arrivederci," he saw that Ludwig was now staring at him. He had one eyebrow cocked as he twirled the flower between his index finger and thumb, he looked amused with the Italians antics. Feliciano just brightly smiled, quickly walking to the German still leaning on the pole.

He stopped in front of Ludwig, looking up a tad to see his eyes, stomach flipping at the thought in the back of his head that the blue in Ludwig's eyes would make a much better, much prettier and more cordial yet intense color for the sky, much better than the sky's boring blue.

"Did you have fun putting a flower on top of my head?" Ludwig spoke, the corners of his lips twitching up into the faintest but most pleasing smile Feliciano had ever seen.

"Yes. Ah! I bet you didn't notice me sneaking around or doing it though!" 

A very low, breathtaking chuckle came from the blinds chest, as he ducked his head down a little, a smile crossing his lips. "Y-yes, I suppose you are right. I just felt the flower and waited for you to walk away before I got it."

Feliciano's heart stuttered, that was the most beautiful smile he had ever seen, never mind the ragazza. Feliciano grabbed the soldiers arm, gasping at the sudden memory.

"Ve! I almost forgot, I got you something and I've been carrying it around," he gasped, digging his hand into his trousers pockets and retrieving a piece of a sweet, a brownie to be specific.

He shoved it at the German, a blush dusting his cheeks as he smiled sweetly, Ludwig wanted to see that a lot more. The corner of his lips turned upwards just a tad as he accepted the treat, mumbling a "danke" as he took a bite, immediately groaning, he had forgotten what actual food had tasted like months ago. It genuinely felt nice to know that the little Italian had thought of him enough to bring him this, and his stomach turned and knotted into a sensation he hadn't ever been given the pleasure to come into contact with before, though it made him queasy. 

"Mein gott, Feliciano did you make this? I haven't eaten anything this good since '39 when I first got deployed," questioned Ludwig.

"Ah! Si, Fratello and I made it yesterday! It was so fun, I haven't seen him smile so much since the first year of the war. I do miss it, " he mumbled towards the end, he never mumbled what was he doing?

Ludwig paused, remembering he had a brother, why didn't he remember that until now? "Ah, this war has changed quite a few people, even I am not the same as I used to be. As shocking as it may sound, I haven't always been so aggressive- in my opinion at least," he looked away as he spoke, and Feliciano had realized something.

Ludwig wasn't bad, not at all, he was just trying to fight a war and didn't see a point in it, he didn't want to, and neither did he. Sure, he was fighting on the other side, but that didn't mean he was necessarily on the other side, he just had to join it. He could see how much he despised all of this in that one look, and Feliciano suddenly felt much closer to him.

"Si, i used to be able to go to he beaches, flirt with the women at any time, even food wasn't so expensive, now though, I can barely even go outside without the risk of running into a soldier." Feliciano was sad now, and he looked at the iron cross around the Germans neck with what Ludwig assumed was disgust.

He felt ashamed now, and he grabbed the Italians hand and started walking away from the market area, Feliciano trotting to keep up with him and not fall.

"Luddy stop it! Where are we going?"

"I want to take you somewhere, go to your house and leave your things, I will wait."

Ludwig walked slightly behind Feliciano as he led him to his house, which Feliciano didn't think about being a bad idea, and patiently waited outside for him to return. When Feliciano came back outside he had changed his shirt to a white button up and was smiling like a dork.

Ludwig couldn't help but think of how Feliciano would have looked while changing. He pushed the thoughts out if his head with a blush dusting his cheeks, quickly clearing his throat to dismiss himself as he turned and began walking off. Feliciano, once again, made an attempt to keep up with the German, however, found it quite futile with his pace. So, they walked around the town, across crowded streets and a field, walking along a dirt road on the side of a hill, then Feliciano saw what Ludwig was bringing him to.

Ludwig was taking Feliciano to the port, well not really the port, more so the shore. The sun looked beautiful as it sat high in the sky, beating down on the two, sky blue, though Feliciano though, not as beautiful as Ludwigs. They walked closer to the water, and Feliciano could see giant ships in the distance, though he didn't know who they belonged to. He kicked off his shoes, running ahead of the German as he further stripped himself, for some reason hesitating on the pants, he thought unusual but decided it was for the best that he kept them on and simply rolled up the legs.

With a great big smile adorning his features, the bubbly burnet ran straight for the water, kicking his legs and splashing water onto himself as he giggled, was that giggling?

"If I had known that you would be so happy to see the ocean I would have brought you here earlier this morning instead of talking to you for so long, " Ludwig spoke with fondness.

"Si, I miss the water. My Fratello and I have never lived near the water, never on the shoreline like others, but we never had to avoid so many people and never struggled for food before, so we haven't gone to the water in very long," the Italian responded, placing his hand above his eyes as he stared at the boats.

Ludwig felt a twinge of sympathy for the younger, he had never really been close to his brother, but the moment the war broke out his brother was drafted. He supposed it was because he was albino, it seemed der Fuhrer did not want many people around, so he saw his brother struggle to be taken by soldiers to fight in the war, but never heard from him again. 

Ludwig cleared his throat, sitting on the sand as he watched the other play in the water, "I know this war has not been easy, it hasn't for Italy, Germany, not one single country involved has had it easy, even other countries are suffering, but in the end I believe we will all be glad and can truly be happy once again."

Feliciano paused, something in his stomach twisted thinking about spending time with Ludwig after all of this. 

"Hey Ludwig?" he started, getting a hum in response, he turned "After this war is over do you think that we will all sit at a large table, everyone, and eat all of the pasta and sausage that we want, singing and laughing?"

Ludwig's face did not look as hopeful or positive as he had wished it would, he sighed and turned away, marching into the sea to retrieve a piece of driftwood.

\-----

Much time had passed, and now the sun began to set as both sat side by side, Feliciano invading Ludwig's space, which normally he would yell at, but for some reason, he didn't mind with this Italian. Feliciano's mind kept turning, wondering why his friend hadn't answered his earlier question, why exactly he took him there, if he would see the other shirtless, if he would see him again, if he could- wait a minute, shirtless?

Feliciano shook his head, a look of frustration settling on his face as his face tined a soft pink. he didn't, and more importantly couldn't feel this way about his companion, it was another man. Sure, Italians were always appreciative of looks, that's why he was okay with thinking his eyes were beautiful, but no man was a fag. An Italian, homosexual? Impossible, all Italians loved women. Sure, Romans had practiced homosexuality, but he didn't. That was the difference here.

Ludwig looked over to the other, seeing him lost in his thoughts, and smiled, which felt weird to do during a time like this. He wasn't in his own country, didn't speak this one's language, wasn't liked by locals and sure as hell wasn't liked by his subordinates, so why the hell was he even to be slightly okay with his situation? He wasn't, and that was the truth. He was fine with being deployed, but not being forced to harm people or arrest people because that's what everyone else was doing, He loved his country but this isn't what he wanted from it, not at all.

Once again, Ludwig cleared his throat, standing as he held out his hand for the other to take as a help standing. Feliciano's cheeks were dusted a light pink, complementary to his skin tone, and he dropped his hand into the blondes, accepting the help. 

"I believe we should be going now, it will be getting much darker very soon," Ludwig calmly spoke.

Feliciano's ears must have been acting up again, and he swore his brother was right about him hearing things how he wanted because he could have sworn Ludwig seemed at least a little disappointed in their soon departure. Feliciano nodded, bringing himself to stand beside the German.

"You've been awfully quiet lately, why?" The blond queeried.

"I just, well I like spending time with you I guess," Feliciano started, rubbing the back of his neck as he turned away, blush layering thicker onto his face, "I don't want to leave yet is all."

Ludwig blinked, that didn' sound right.

He had spent his entire life with no friends, ate many meals alone, only went to beer halls with his brother and father, never dated, never even met somebody intentionally outside of school or his job. He was the same person who had yelled at tthis boy, who had called him an absolute idiot and almost punched him. He took him to the beach on a whim and now this boy- who was supposed to be afraid of him was telling him he liked to hang out with him. It was a lie. He knew it had to be.

Ludwig turned cold, "You won't earn anything from lying to me, or being around me. You don't have to lie to me, just tell me you want me gone as rude as you wish and I'll leave as you want me to."

"Ve, what? No! I just said that I want to hang out with you! do you think if I didn't I would have let you take me to the shore, or brought you a brownie? No, I wouldn't have. I would be avoiding you at all costs, not putting flowers on your head and talking to you at churches."

Ludwig blinked once, twice, thrice, then sighed, motioning to the Italians clothes, "Just put your clothing back on and we will go."

The burnet sighed and did as told, quickly, yet sloppily, throwing his clothes on, quickly walking off with his new companion.

Feliciano paused, turning to the German before they began their ascend to main Genoa, sighing as he thought.

"Do you believe that after the war is over we will still see each other? I would like to introduce you to my family, my fratello would probably hate you, but that just shows how much he loves you. Oh! and our turtle friend, I always forget his name, he's very kind, he brings me and fratello tomatoes. But do you think we can do that?" He stared into the Germans eyes, full of excitement.

Ludwig sighed, beginning to walk up the trail on the cliff, "Yes, I do believe we can arrange that."

Feliciano did not think he sounded so sure, but still followed him to town.

He looked down from the side of the cliff again, the beach did always look lovely, even better with their footprints, and he loved it, loved it so much. The yellow so vibrant and beautiful, fighting with the wonderful blue waves, bluer than the sky, it would make a lovely replacement, that he knew. Sun-kissed cheeks would be the result of a view in person, a thin coat of red to show that yes- they did really see such beauty. He loved the beach, indeed he did.


	4. Chapter 4

When Feliciano had seen Ludwig again, it had been under much less depressing circumstances as the last one had ended in, and that was something Feliciano was grateful for.  The Italian had been walking down the street with no cares, heading to the market yet again, when he had spotted the German, back turned as he spoke to another soldier of the division. His footsteps faltered as he thought to himself for a moment, trying to decide if he should put in an effort to see Ludwig again. If he made interaction, there was a chance the other soldier with think a little too hard on why a civilian and an officer were communicating. he knew that might be more trouble than him and Fratello needed because then they might get too close to Antonio.

However, Feliciano hadn't seen Ludwig in a few days, and he began to miss him, more than he would care to admit. He furrowed his brows, stopping in his tracks to decide on talking to his German or making an attempt to, but as a child bumped into him as it ran to their mother, he decided he should just leave and head to the market like he had originally intended on doing. He blinked twice, his body restarting itself back up as he pushed forward, going to the market as usual. He wondered as he walked, why was he so concerned, so fixated on talking to the German, it confused him to no end. 

Just last night he sat on the back porch, taking in the air and sky around him, ignoring planes and soft explosions echoing from the cities too far to walk to. The golden color of the porch railing made him think of nothing but Ludwig's hair, and his stomach churned, he felt as if he would puke. Did he dislike the German so much he couldn't even tell himself? He couldn't realize it, his mind blocked any thoughts with him but happy ones, but did he not like him after all? It was all too confusing for him, and he soon found himself caught up in his own thoughts of Ludwig, far too often to be considered normal. 

He had wandered through streets aimlessly that night, trying to clear his head, to figure out why he had felt so utterly confused at the thought of doing anything with the German. He had to be careful not to be seen outside during curfew, but he figured if he was caught he could flirt and get out of it, hopefully, it would be a female officer. He was struck uneasy until he finally found himself drifting to sleep that night, the candle in his room lighting the clock on the opposite side of the room, 2:34. 

Now, he strutted through the same streets, thinking of that same German who occupied his country and his mind just a few hours ago, if he really thought about it. It left Feliciano to wonder if there would be a day where the German wouldn't occupy both, his mind strained to picture this, and he soon found it relatively pointless to do so.  

Feliciano could swear that he heard footsteps behind him, the sound of heavy combat boots was a sound he could quickly recognize, resistenza members had warned him to be wary of such. He sped up slowly, suddenly worried as he tried to act calm, trying to find a woman to run off to as quick as possible, knowing that it was normal for him, that would be something anyone who had been tracking him would know of him. He heard the footsteps sped up and he almost tripped, needles prickling his stomach. His breathing hitched, and he tried to reach a crowd of people, he could see them, most likely going to the market.

A hand gripped his wrist and he let out a shrill scream, eyes going wide as he floundered. A hand slapped itself against his mouth and turned him to face his assailant. It was Ludwig, giving him an incredibly harsh glare that made Feliciano want to back up into a corner.

"What the hell is wrong with you, if you heard me you should have slowed down, who else is going to follow you down the street?" Ludwig seemed to growl, checking to see if anyone was watching, neither needed the attention.

Feliciano tore his hand away from his mouth, panting as he shifted his weight, "Well when you've lived in Italy as long as my family you get really um, how do I explain, you get very careful in streets like these."

Ludwig seemed to accept that and released the Italian from his grasp, nodding twice. 

"So, where are you going?" Ludwig queried, fixing his uniform collar.

Feliciano seemed to melt with the newly found calmness in Ludwig's voice, and he sighed as he began to speak,

"Ah, well I was going to go to the market to get some things for food, but now I have you here so maybe I can just talk to you?"

Feliciano's eyes filled with hope as he nervously hit his hips with his wrists, flailing his arms, a tick he developed while younger. Ludwig nodded, clearing his throat and his cheeks looked pinker than before, but it must have been from the sun, Feliciano decided.

"J-ja, we can go somewhere and talk, maybe this time somewhere you would like?" Ludwig stuttered out, quickly trying to fill the silence.

"Oh! I know this beautiful little stream that we can go to! There's even an old cottage that Lovino and Grandpa used to live in, then we moved and Grandpa got drafted again, which is weird because surely Lovino and I would have been drafted, but maybe it's because he was a very very young General during the Great War, never mind that though, would you like to go to the stream with me?" Feliciano spoke without even taking a breath.

Ludwig seemed to have had a hard time following that, but a lot of people had a hard time following him, but it's still weird to Feliciano because Ludwig spoke English very fluently, so he didn't need to think so hard in Feliciano's opinion.

"Yes, I would like to go to the stream with you, lead the way," Ludwig muttered, eyebrows furrowed as he

Thus, Feliciano led the way, as they left the humming city and arrived in vast fields, slowly becoming more and more emerged into trees. Under the trees, Feliciano found it was quite colder than in the sun, but he had remembered that Lovino said that was normal, the Sun gave heat, not the darkness.  His footsteps faltered as he stumbled over roots, the forest certainly seemed eerie that day, though Feliciano couldn't pinpoint what made it so. A shudder made its way up his spine when a breeze drifted through the trees. Maybe with it still being cold outside, he shouldn't have worn short pants, especially for this. The burnet held out, knowing that he would be fine once light hit him again.

 He nearly tripped over a root that sprung from the ground, and he came to a stumble leaving his ankle bleeding from a jagged bush stem, Ludwig pulled him closer, stopping him from falling straight on the ground Feliciano blinked once, twice, then one last time, thrice, before finally realizing that Ludwig had stopped him from falling, and time wasn't moving in slow motion before he died. He Straightened up, Lovino had never stopped him from falling, only stepped away and laughed at him as he plummeted to what seemed like the end of his life for Feliciano. 

He smiled to himself, this was new, it felt nice to be grabbed and it not be for him messing something up per usual. Something in his stomach felt weird, and as he looked up to the blond, silently requesting the caring gaze he had seen from him twice before he felt much much happier than before when he saw it was in fact there, but with concern ebbing its way through as well. Feliciano smiled, was it nervously because to he sure felt nervous for some reason, and slipped his arm free of Ludwig's grasp, lacing their fingers as he continued his walk to the stream. He would wash his ankle when he got there, now he had to focus on the matter of not seeming in pain, or slowing his pace. 

Eventually, he came to a stop at the cottage, gasping as he saw it for the first time in so long, it made his eyes water, he had missed it so. It felt special, being here at any time, but being here with Ludwig, that made him so very, very happy, his cheeks dusted pink and he smiled. 

\---

It was a soft smile that when Ludwig saw, his breath was lost. This boy was the very image of perfection.

No, Ludwig wasn't supposed to think like that, it was wrong in every way possible. But he -was- just complimenting him, it wasn't anything homosexual, he just thought he was a good person. Yes. He was indeed a great person. 

Feliciano smiled, turning to Ludwig once more, utter joy in his face, at that moment Ludwig could tell how much this place meant to his Feliciano. He had never seen such raw emotion in a person, it made Ludwig feel special he could see this side of Feliciano, that he could be here and see him so happy, because Ludwig felt happy with him, and Feli should too. But Feli wasn't thinking about the other at night, that was something Ludwig was doing, something that was wrong to him, to the Fuhrer. He wanted it to stop, but he knew if it really did he would have another downward spiral. 

Ludwig had never really loved anyone, just his bruder und Vater, never dated, never went to socials, he was lonely, but with Feliciano he felt different. For once seeing someone happy made him happy, not envious. It was astounding how different he felt just by knowing the Italian, it was something he thought of often these days. Not Feliciano, of course not Feliciano, Just how happy he made him, and how he acted, and how wonderful he was. Nothing strange for friends, he swore. 

But not to himself. He could no longer lie to himself, and boy was this horrible to think about now but he couldn't help it, he always worried, he never stopped. As a child he worried over vater working all day, over Gilbert staying up all night and drinking. He never stopped, he never could, so now it was logical for him to worry that his... Feelings... For Feliciano would get out. 

But he didn't have feelings, he never could, it's not allowed, not for someone of the Aryan race, never something so impure. But this little part of him kept eating at him, telling him it was something else, it wasn't normal, it was who he was and that he couldn't change that, that he... He couldn't say it, even in his mind.He was being hypocritical, of course he was. He found himself doing this more often, all of his mir were getting turned around and he didn't know why. 

Feliciano grabbed his hand, leading him to the stream, where he sat down, Ludwig following soon after. 

"Grazie, for not letting me fall," Feliciano spoke, hand atop of Ludwigs. 

Ludwig tried not to blush, he really did, he couldn't stop it though. "Why- why would I let you fall?"

"Fratello does." 

Was Felis brother a prick or was it just Ludwig? It was probably just him, he was just shocked someone would let someone as kind as him fall blatantly. 

"I would never let you fall, ever."

He wished he could make Ludwig fall, fast and hard, but that's just what Ludwig wanted. 

Sehnsucht.


	5. update

so, im not completely abandoning this story, trust me. However, i find it hard to write this book, and im not loving it as much as i used to. Ill come back to it, but im not sure when. love all of you! thanks for the support.

**Author's Note:**

> If you know German or Italian and are able to help with forming some sentences or fixing any grammar mistakes, please tell me you are willing to, I want this story to be as accurate as possible. Besides that let me know of any historical mistakes, or your thoughts in general on the story, thanks!  
> -Steve/Brooke


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